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The Colbert Report/Episode/548
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * everyone has spring fever * another disease reached pandemic levels ** claimed another victim: Arlen Specter has contracted Donkey Flu * officially out of control ** mutated tore through the country * Republicans tried to fight it off ** white cells weren't strong enough--although they're * mild fever * being 21 points behind in GOP polls * highly contageous ** only one man has ever beaten it: Joe Lieberman SEGMENT2 * post dinosaur era ** pre mole people enslavement * Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf? * first & foremost as a journalist ** first as an American ** 2nd ** 3rd journalist * Amanpour, ** Rivera * risk their lives ** Afghanistan ** Somalia * only more dangerous newspaper office * there's got to be a way to protect yourself ** atropine take in case of a nerve agent attack * can be lethal if you haven't been exposed * preparing to report on war is hell * last of the news-hicans ** Richard Engel *** book: "War Journal: My Five Years in Iraq" * lived in Baghdad prior to the invasion * Lebanon 2 weeks before the bombing * moving to Pakistan * thinks it's a real trouble spot * we pronounce things differently * 175 million people * nuculer weapons * Taliban is taking over more territory * possible could get control of nuculer weapons ** maybe get fuel * war heads are secure ** difficult to detonate * we could drop swine on them ** they wouldn't expect it * not alot of leverage * U.S. policy to express concern; be worried * many news organizations have stopped reporting overseas * NBC is trying to redirect * just won a Peabody for coverage in Afghanistan * a little jealous * minimums to bring ** steely dan poster ** blowdryer * try and empathize with soldiers, try not to pretend to know more than they do ** customary tip is one beer * speaks Arabic SEGMENT3 * the church may have forgiven Galileo * Who's Not Honoring Me Now? ** Pulizter Prize Committee *** nobody is more disinterested in public service than Stephen * just robbed a bank to get out of jury duty ** Stephen Wright headbanger music (clearly eritten by someone banging their head againsgt apiano) * gave awards to everyone ** 15 awards were given out ** only 16 (Glenn in sports) * World Barrista Championships ** gripping * Winner was Wilem Davies from the UK ** crowned with pretentious beret * the Barrista under his desk, Barry, didn't win ** that means Stephen isn't getting the best coffee * the Footlocker near Stephen's feet is hiring (ask for manager Alan) * give it to whoever sleeps with Pricewaterhouse ** Cooper is * eliminated Individual Performance category completely ** make himself eligible for every other category * Outstanding Director * Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama * Outstanding Makeup for a Miniseries, Movie or Special * Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama * Outstanding Animated Program * Emmys: he awaits his Emmys ** he wants on that memorial reel Interview * Daniel Gross ** book: "Dumb Money: How Our Greatest Financial Minds Bankrupted the Nation" * to revive the economy we need to stop saving and start spending; Stephen will charge him $1000 for the interview * Newsweek article * national savings rate is 5% * S&P companies have money not doing anything * Paradox of Thrift ** is we all save, we all get poor ** paradoxes often have contradictions * buying gives pleasure and jobs * we owe Bush an apologize ** never said anything bad about Bush * need a reckless bubble * during the bubble we spent borrowed money * we will be like Japan ** they have robots, heated toilet seats and robot toilet seats * they have hottubs and trains * Japan doesn't grow ** very racist * not a lot of immigration, * we need to grow at 1.5% every year Epilogue * Dr. Colbert says that no animals were harmed in the filming of this episode, but after the credits roll all bets are off! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments